Trying not to Love You
by Lolalu22
Summary: I came up with this story after listening to Nickelback's "Trying not to Love you". It takes place around and after 13X15 Forget me Not. It includes tidbits from after scenes of other GSR eposides. My take on how Sara deals with her situation about Grissom and they both find their way back to each other.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: You call to me

 **Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its characters. They belong to CBS.**

 **This is my first shot at Fan-fiction. I had this idea after listening to Nickelback's song "Trying not to love you" and hearing about the last movie for CSI. I'm a long-time GSR fan so this will be a GSR story. It's a work in progress, I work nights and go to school so updates might take a few days. I hope to get this story done by Sept. 27** **th** **. I am my own beta, so reviews will be helpful. No bad ones...it'll hurt my feelings. Fair warning. It's sad at the start, just stay with me happiness in just down the road :)!**

Slowly setting the pen down beside the papers, I sat and stared at the bold black lettering at the top of the page. I could not bring myself to end it. A single stroke of the pen and it would be officially over. I thought I could, I think of myself as strong, willing to do anything, but this is something I never thought would happen. Years of memories would be all I would have. I looked up at the bookshelf along the wall in front of me. I stood up leaving the pen and what will be the ending of a love affair and walked toward the book shelf. A single framed picture sat on the top shelf. I had forgotten to put it away, or I just chose not to file it away with the rest of them when I could not stand to look at them anymore. I slowly picked up the picture and held it in my hands staring at the happy faces looking back at me. Suddenly, a drop appeared over the face that I had loved forever. I wiped the drop away with my finger and then began tracing the over the face several times. I brought the picture to my chest and hugged it tight. This was the first time I had cried since the phone call that stopped my world cold.

" _Hi" I said as I answered the phone._

" _Hi, is this a bad time?" he asked_

 _I stood there in Russell's office, a moment of silence which seem like an eternity. A matter of things ran through my mind like a rabbit in the desert._

" _No" came my answer._

" _We need to talk"_

" _I know" my reply was short, as I tried to contain my tears. I knew what was coming. The missed phone calls and skype sessions, the weeks without talking, it was taking a toll. Work was getting in the way I could not find time to go see him, and he could not make time to come see me. We were drifting apart and I could not find a way to drift back to him._

" _This is hard for me Sara, your still my one true love, but..."_

 _A single tear fell down my cheek as I heard his voice hitch, he was hurt and I had no way of comforting him._

" _I know" was all I could get out. This was not how it was supposed to be. We were drawn together time and time again. We had been through so much, risked everything. We promised each other we would never be apart again, but here we were._

" _I..wish..we...could do this in person..."_

" _I know" it was all I could say. My mind went blank, my ears silenced, while he tried to talk. I could not hear his words, but his pain stabbed me in the heart and it tore me to pieces._

" _I love you, Gil" I interrupted him, just to say that. I wanted him to know._

" _I'm sorry, Sara" was all he said and hung up._

 _My world stared to spin. I don't remember leaving or driving home. The only place that given me peace and at that moment it was a prison of false promises. I needed be somewhere, anywhere that did not remind me of him, but instead I sat there in the driveway crying..._

I woke up a few hours later still clinching the picture. It was dark out, the only light coming from the street light streaming into the bedroom through the curtains. I just lay there not wanting to move. There was only one question that had played over and over again in my mind. It's a question I could not answer. How could our love just fade away? The ringing of my cell broke me from my endless torment. I turned over and checked it, it was Nick calling. Checking the time I realized that it was past 10, and shift had started. I could not bring myself to answer or go in. I needed to be alone to come to terms somehow with my heart breaking. I set the phone on the table and rolled back over and let my mind drift to a better time.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I fall at your feet

 **Disclaimer** **: I do not own CSI or any of its characters. They belong to CBS.**

 **Ok, so Chapter 1 and 2 go together. I have one more memory to share but then it's time to move this little story ahead. I do have a plan. GSR will happen here shortly just bear with me. I am trying to weave through the anger and find the light. Reviews are helpful. I am my own beta. The memories are of my own making after the scene stopped. ;)**

 _It was an emotional case. A single woman found dead in her home with no suspects. It had been harder on me since the woman had no real social life and had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. I felt for her. I documenting evidence in the layout room with Gil._

" _Hey, what would you think if we..uh..had dinner?" ask Grissom breaking the comfortable silence we had been working in._

 _I turned and looked up at him. I was taken back. Did I just hear him right? I dropped the pen I was holding and stared at him._

" _Sara?" he asked looking at me trying to read my face as he waited for my response._

" _Uh, sure" I replied after a moment. I put on a fake smile and looked down at the paper I was using to document evidence but I could not see what I previously wrote._

 _As he went back to work, I just stood there feet planted on the floor looking at the paper. He had asked me to dinner. A date? My mind continued to try and process this._

" _Sara?"_

 _I looked up to see him staring at me._

" _What?" I asked quickly._

" _Are you ok?"_

" _Uh fine" I gave him a quick grin and picked my pen back up._

" _Ok, I'm going to check on the DNA results, can you handle this?"_

" _Uh sure..." I watched as he started for the door. "Gris, wait"_

 _He turned and looked at me._

" _You're asking me out to dinner as a date, right?"_

" _Yes" he replied confidently and walked out the door of the room. I stood there trying to think but I could not, suddenly I was excited and I had a feeling my whole world was about to change..._

The ringing of the cell awoke me from my memory replay. I rolled over and picked up the phone. This time it was Greg calling. I stared for a moment before placing the phone on the table and laying back down. I still held the only connection I had to my true love. A single picture. My mind began to replay the one memories that's forever planted in my brain...

 _I awoke to hear the roar of a helicopter. I was recused. I tried to gain my sight, everything was a blur. I could see men in blue working around me. I could not feel my arm, the pain I felt in the desert was not evident at the moment. It was like my world was in slow motion. I turned my head and saw it. The tag on the vest, my love was there. I smiled and just kept looking into his blue eyes. I was alive. I then felt his hand on mine holding it. When we landed the world went from slow to warp speed. Everything became a blur again, one minute I was holding his hand and the next I was being attended to by a number of people in white coats. The world went dark. I awoke again but this time it was silent and dim. I looked around and saw him sitting in a chair next to the bed asleep. I couldn't keep from smiling. I rolled over and suddenly a sharp pain went cursed through my arm. I tried to not to make a noise but the pain was too much and I whimpered. He woke up and got up from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed._

" _Sara, are you alright?" his eyes looked worried._

" _Yes" I said hoarsely_

 _He looked at me. His eyes not hiding the fact that he was concerned._

" _Are you sure, you don't need the doctor?" not convinced I was ok_

" _No, uh...water?" I hoarsely asked looking in the direction of the table at the end of the bed which held a pitcher._

 _He turned and poured me a cup. I took it with my good hand and brought it up to my mouth. He watched intently as I drank the water slowly_

" _Thanks" I said as I handed him the cup back after I was finished._

" _Sara, I was so worried I'd never see you again" he said as he took my hand in his._

" _I wasn't sure I'd make it." I said in a low voice. Looking down at the blanket trying to avoid the hurt in his eyes._

" _I did not give up, and neither did the team."_

" _Who found me?" I asked slowly bring my eyes back up to look at him._

" _Nick and Sofia" he said with a bit of regret in his voice._

 _We sat there in silence looking at each other. He reached up and stroked my cheek. As he leaned in toward me, a knock on the door broke the moment and Nick peeked his head in._

" _Is she awake?" he asked_

" _Yes" replied Gil as he got up and turned on a light._

 _Nick opened the door and came in with Catherine, Greg, Brass, Warrick, and Sofia following in behind him._

" _So glad your awake and ok" said Nick as he gave me a hug._

" _Thanks" I replied glad to see the team again._

 _Each one gave me a hug and told me that they were glad to see that I was ok._

The beeping of my cell brought me once again back to reality. I picked it up and saw that it was a text from Russell. I did not open it but instead laid the phone back down. It beeped twice more. I laid there blankly looking up at the ceiling. A few minutes later the phone stared to ring. I knew it was Russell but I hit the silent button and rolled onto my side still clinching the frame that held the photo from the happiest day of my life...TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

Trying not to Love you

Chapter 3: If there's a pill to help me forget

 **Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its wonderful characters. They belong to CBS. I'm only borrowing them for the purpose of this story.**

 **Here is chapter 3. This chapter went different than I had planned but I figured it needed some background and less sadness. This is how I envision Sara dealing with the pain of impending divorce. Still working out how Grissom comes back and way. Still have at least one more chapter before we see him. I promise though the best is yet to come. Still my own beta, so don't be too judgmental. GSR all the way!**

A knock at the front door awoke me. I rolled over and looked at the clock it was 2 am. I must have fallen asleep at some point. The doorbell went off this time, I let out a deep sigh and proceeded to drag myself out of bed. I grabbed my bathrobe from the back of the bedroom door and put it on. Tying the sash I walked through the living room to the front door. I looked into the peephole to see who was interrupting my sadden state. I let out another regretful sigh rolling my eyes at the same time. I keyed the code for the alarm and unlocked the door. Opening the door I stood face to face with two of my closest friends. If it had been another time I would have been glad to see them but at that moment I wanted to push them away.

"What do you guys want?" I asked agitated, standing in the doorway.

"We..uh..were worried about you, Sara" said Nick with concern in his voice.

"I'm fine" I replied.

"You don't sound fine" stated Greg looking at me apprehensively

"Well, I am, so you can go back to the lab and tell Russell I'm not dead" I replied giving them both a annoyed look.

I went to shut the door but Nick grabbed the side to prevent me from closing it.

"What?!" I shouted getting very irritated at both of them.

"Sara, something is up with you and we are not leaving until we get to the bottom of it" said Nick looking at me.

"Fine!" I exclaimed and moved out of the way as both he and Greg came into the house. I closed the door and placed one hand on the wall beside the door. My other still on the handle. I stood there a moment trying not to cry. I wanted to be left alone to find my way to acceptance but here I was, fixing to have to share more than what I wanted with two of my closest friends. I knew the two were not going to leave without some sort of explanation. I breathed a deep breath and turned around. The moment I saw them standing there looking at me with compassion and sympathy, a tear ran down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and walked past them.

"Do you guys want something?" I asked as I headed to the kitchen.

"An explanation?" questioned Greg, as he and Nick followed me.

I couldn't help but laugh. That was the same replied Gil gave me when he came to ask why I was angry after I got suspended. That was the first time he had ever been at my apartment.

"What's wrong?" asked Nick

"Nothing, just remembering" I replied and turned to look at them both.

"Sara, what up? We both know something is not right and you promised to talk to us." reminded Greg standing awkwardly looking at the countertop and then up to me.

I took a deep breath and pointed to the table at the far side of the living room. I watched as they turned and walked toward the table. I took a beer from the refrigerator and followed them. Nick picked up the first page and handed it to Greg. They both looked at each other before turning back to me.

"It's official, well the first step to being official" I stated and went to sit on the couch.

Nick placed the paper back down on the table and walked over and sat on the couch next to me. Greg sat down in the chair opposite the couch. It was Gil's chair. I stared wishing he was sitting there with his book reading to me. Nick reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Why?" he asked looking into my eyes.

"Irreconcilable differences, he claims unmet expectations and being out of touch" said Sara with matter of fact looking away from Nick.

"Unmet expectations? What does he mean by that?" asked Greg

"I don't know really, that's just what it states on page 3. It's as far as I got" I replied looking down at my beer in my hand.

The room got suddenly quite as both Nick and Greg failed to find anything comforting to say. I sat there and stared at the beer in my hand.

"I was never so in love than when I was with him." I said in order to break the uncomfortable silence that had over taken the room.

"Grissom was different when he was with you Sara, he was happy" stated Nick.

"We made each other happy in the dark world we lived in" I said with a small smile.

"Hey, do you remember your wedding day?" asked Greg trying to lighten the mood.

"Of course, it was the best day of my life" I replied looking at Greg.

"No, I mean do you remember Hodges, and the toast?"

"Oh my god, I completely forgot about that" I replied with a giggle.

"Right, I never saw Grissom so mad at him" said Nick shaking his head laughing.

" _They are going to be surprised when we arrive" I stated as I sat looking out the window on the plane as we flew over Las Vegas. It had been one year since I last visited. It was a sad time, Warrick my friend and someone I felt like was brother to me had been killed. We had decided to get married the day after his death and to include our family in the ceremony._

" _I called Catherine before we left" said Gil looking at a Forensic Magazine, even though he had left that life to be with me, he still kept up with the goings on in the field._

" _Why?" I asked looking straight at him._

" _Because" he replied shortly._

" _Gil, really? I was hoping to surprise them"_

 _He sighed and placed the magazine down, turned to look at me._

" _I know but I wanted her to know, plus she now has a surprise for you" he stated and brushed my nose with his finger._

" _This isn't fair, I thought we agreed?" I argued, aggravated that he told._

" _You agreed, I did not say anything to the matter, if you remember"_

 _I looked at him and creased my eyebrows trying to remember. I then smiled as I remembered that we were in bed that particular morning and he was otherwise occupied._

" _Fine, what kind of surprised does she have?" I asked._

" _If I told it would not be a surprise, anyway, I told her not to tell Nick or Greg so you will still have them to surprise" stated Gil._

" _Thank you" I said with a smile before giving him a quick kiss._

 _Just then the pilot came over the loud speaker telling the passengers to buckle their seat belts that the plane was beginning its decent. I grabbed Gil's hand and held it tight, flying was ok for me but the take-off and landings made me nervous. Gil looked at me and grabbed my face with his other hand and pulled it to him and kissed my cheek._

" _I love you, baby" he whispered as we learned our heads together. We stayed in that position until we landed. He stroked my chin. He knew just how to comfort me. I never felt more in love with him at that moment._

 _The unbuckle seatbelt light came on and the pilot wished us well and luck over the loud speaker. I chuckled softly at that as I unbuckled and got up. I took Gil's hand and followed him out of the plane and down the corridor toward the gate._


End file.
